Being a role model for my daughter is hard but I'm teaching her to choose self love - Inventium

This article was originally published by Harvard Business Review

By Amantha Imber

February 17, 2022

Narrator: As the mom of a little girl, I’m dreading the day when my 7-year-old daughter, Frankie, starts to perceive her body in a critical way, as almost every woman does at some stage in her life. Image description: Amantha, the narrator, watches Frankie, her daughter, as Frankie looks into a full-body mirror. Frankie lifts her shirt and observes her stomach.

Narrator: Unsolicited comments and observations from friends, family, and strangers. The overload of various perfect face filters on Instagram, and constant comparisons slowly erode our confidence in our bodies. Image description: Amantha and Frankie are greeted by an older woman who is presumably Frankie’s grandmother. The grandmother bends down, touches Frankie’s cheek, and says, “Look how big you’re getting! And these chubby cheeks!” The dialogue bubble above Frankie’s head is filled with little scribbly lines. She seems unsure of how to interpret her grandmother’s comment.

Narrator: There are a lot of things I can’t control, but I can talk to my daughter about my own body and what I do with it. I’m the most influential female role model in her life. She looks to me for cues on how to think about and behave in the world. Image description: Amantha stands in front of Frankie with her hands on her hips. She looks strong and confident, like a superhero. She wears a banner that says “role model” and a crown. In the background, there is a line of other women, all wearing different uniforms: a soccer player, a judge, a chef, a pop star. But Amantha is front and center.

Narrator: I have an exercise ritual. Frankie sees me lift weights four times a week and sometimes hangs out with me while I do reps. We talk about why I lift heavy things. Image description: Amantha sits on a workout bench, doing reps with a dumbbell while Frankie watches. To answer Frankie’s question about why she lifts heavy things, Amantha says, “Because it makes me feel powerful!”

Narrator: Our society pressures women into believing there is one ideal body type. I spent 44 years of my life falling prey to that narrative. Image description: There is a stack of magazines. The magazine on the top of the stack has a picture of a woman in a bikini on the cover. It says, “Lose weight fast!”

Narrator: I tell my daughter a different story: We should appreciate our bodies for being strong and functioning well – not for how they look in a mirror. Image description: Amantha stands, flexing her muscles. Three little Frankies climb all over her strong arms. One of the Frankies says, “Mom’s so strong, she can lift three of me at once!”

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